My story of ‘burnt out corporate Mum’ to ‘fulfilled business owner’.
Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong?
Did you set yourself some targets around where you wanted to be by a certain time or have a goal set out but once you got there, you loved it but it just wasn’t right for you? Maybe you felt like you didn’t belong there or something just didn’t feel ‘right’?
I remember being at a 3 day work conference, I loved these things, I worked in a really fun industry, there was loud music, new products, exciting marketing campaigns. Big party nights followed by great speakers all that stuff. Lots of high fiving and ego stroking.
I had a smile on my face the whole time but anxiety and stomach acid plagued me for the whole 3 days.
I think back to this now and I’m like; ‘are you KIDDING ME!!’ seriously, the signs were there!!
I’ve felt like this a few times now because I was terrible at listening to my intuition or that inner voice pulling me in another direction. Sometimes I was enjoying myself and I wanted to love it but I just didn’t, something just didn’t feel right.
As a child, from the age of around 6 up to my high school days, I wanted to work in fashion. I wanted to be a fashion designer, I used to have several notebooks that I’d drawn girls in, wearing my various designs of ballgowns, wedding dresses, day dresses and even different types of head wear. Details about the fit and embellishments and all.
I’m not sure when this dream escaped me, I think it was somewhere around the age of 14 when people start asking you what you want to do and then put their own insecurities/opinions into it. Such as “there’s not a lot of work in that area, you’ll always be competing for jobs”, “there’s lot’s of work in_____you should look at that” “You know you’ll have to study for ____(a really long time) to do that?” “There’s no money in that” and the list goes on, we’ve all heard them!
My Dad told me that I could do whatever I wanted, I never really believed him, I think that by then unfortunately my visions had already been squashed into the ‘too hard’ basket. My grades at school were very average because that’s all I believed that I was and I didn’t really think I could be bothered with school anymore.
I was done with my education, I hated school, so when someone offered me a hairdressing apprenticeship at 16yrs, I took it. Did I always dream of being a hairdresser? No. But it’s the ‘fashion industry’ right? 😂🤦♀️
Plus, I could leave school and get paid! Why not?
This set me on a path of job dissatisfaction for the next 25 years. Not everyone cares about ‘career’ but I really did so I beat myself up and used to laugh about my ‘superficial job’. I did the same years later when I studied for three years and became an Interior Designer, I felt like I’d moved from one ego based, superficial industry to another. Everyone wanted to be a B grade celebrity and everyone seemed to be in it for themselves..
I remember when the Tsunami happened in Asia and people were volunteering to go over and help. I was like “What am I going to do?” I’m pretty sure they don’t need design advice or a haircut right now.
So, here I was, once again, feeling unfulfilled with where I was at but had no idea what to do. So, I decided to screw it all and just get a job in sales where the money was good. Even if I hated it, at least I’d be making good money!
Someone gave me a go and I got a job with a hair care brand that was new on the market and rapidly growing. We sold a range exclusive to hairdressing salons and I found myself back in a really fun industry working with fun people.
It was a bit lonely being on the road sometimes but the clients were great fun and the perks were awesome too. I travelled a lot, all over the country and even ended up at a conference in Thailand with all my team. We worked hard but boy did we play hard too! They were great times but eventually the dark cloud came over me once again.
Luckily for me, as the ‘what next?’ cloud came over me, so did my daughter, surprise!! So I finished up over my pregnancy, had a baby and was up for the next challenge…
I decided it was time for something new so I switched to a big multinational corporation in the same industry but bigger stakes, bigger clients and much more pressure. Keeping in mind, I had a child under 1 yr who didn’t sleep through the night, constant sickness from childcare (me and her) and as a result of this, terrible, someday’s crippling anxiety.
Let’s fast forward through this time of lots of travel, more parties, conference in Bali and get to the part where I was overwhelmed, tired, failing at my role and letting my entire team down. Yep. You know what? I knew this wasn’t right probably 8 months in. But I didn’t listen, I ignored the signs, after 2 years of this, my brain was in such a constant fog, I couldn’t concentrate. I felt worthless, I cried every day, I would sit in my car and try to pull myself together every morning after dropping my daughter off and would sit around the corner from her childcare and cry most afternoons before I put on my poker face to pick her up.
Through this time I withdrew from my friends and saw no one. I was too tired after my workweek to socialise, so I didn’t. I really wanted to see my friends but I couldn’t pick up the phone so I just felt sorry for myself that they had all abandoned me. Oh, the pity party was strong in this one!
Have you ever had that moment when you just have to say ‘NO MORE!!!’?
I had that moment, for the first time in my life I listened. I resigned before they sacked me, I took what little self respect I had left and walked away to uncertainty. However, there was something liberating about answering the question about where I was going with ‘nowhere!’ I’d never left a job to go to unemployment before but here I was!
I ended up completely burnt out and it took me almost 6 months to feel like I was recovering. During this time, I taught myself to meditate and I set out on a path of self discovery and growth.
Am I recovered? Who know’s? I certainly know a lot more about myself, what I want out of life and what I don’t want.
I also know that the expectations we put on ourselves and the expectations of the corporate world are beyond what a normal human being can actually sustain for a long period of time. The expectation (but no one actually says it) of working 10–12 hr days. The value put on those that do is ridiculous. Seeing value in someone busting their arse for their job is wrong. Looking down on someone who goes home on time each day or wants to spend their weekend with their family instead of working is wrong.
I created Mind Smoothie because I needed to do something with a purpose, something that made me feel good everyday. I wanted to create a life where I live by my own rules and feel 100% aligned with the products that I sell.
I also felt that this was a way that I could help others to feel good again and start to believe in themselves.
I design the words, I choose where they go and I choose how that message goes out into the world.
I’ve found my path, it’s definitely not the easy one but it’s 100% the better one for me. Do I still love fashion? Yes!
If you are in pain, please get help. I didn’t and it was a long, steep ladder getting myself out of the hole.
Meditation helped me a lot, I started out with short ones and then worked my way up to the longer ones, it takes practise. Daily gratitude practises have been a non negotiable too, gratitude will make you feel better instantly.
I asked myself a lot of questions around who I wanted to be and talked about it a lot.
I hope my story has helped you in some way,
Do me a favour? Get out there and pursue your dreams, no matter how small they are, no matter what your situation is. There’s always a way.
Just do one thing today to take you one step closer, even if it’s just telling someone about it.
What’s your big dream? Let me know in the comments or send me an email. Lets chat!
Big love
Bec x
